Emily DickinsonFascicle 21

I - Years had been - from Home -
And now - before the Door -
I dared not open - lest a face
I never saw before

Stare vacant into mine -
And ask my Business there -
My Business - just a Life I left -
Was such - still dwelling there?

I fumbled at my nerve -
I scanned the Windows o 'er -
The Silence - like an Ocean rolled -
And broke against my Ear -
I laughed a Wooden laugh -
That I - could fear a Door -

Who Danger - and the Dead - had faced -But never quaked - before -

I fitted to the Latch - my Hand -
With trembling care -
Lest back the Awful Door should spring -
And leave me - in the Floor -
I moved my fingers off, as cautiously as Glass -
And held my Ears - and like a Thief
fled - gasping - from the House.

You'll find — it when you try to die —
The Easier to let go —
For recollecting such as went —
You could not spare — you know.

And though their places somewhat filled —
As did their Marble names
With Moss — they never grew so full —
You chose the newer names —
And when this World — sets further back —
As Dying — say it does —
The former love — distincter grows —
And supersedes the fresh —

And Thought of them — so fair invites —
It looks too tawdry Grace
To stay behind — with just the Toys
We bought — to ease their place —

I see thee better in the dark,
I do not need a light.
The love of thee a prism be
Excelling violet.

I see thee better for the years
That pile themselves between,
The miner’s lamp sufficient be
To nullify the mine.

And in the grave I see thee best—
Its little panels be
A-glow, all ruddy with the light
I held so high for thee!

What need of day to those whose dark
Hath so surpassing sun,

It seem it be continually
At the meridian?
---------------
Could — I do more — for Thee —
Wert Thou a Bumble Bee —
Since for the Queen, have I —
Nought but Bouquet?

It would have starved a Gnat —
To live so small as I —
And yet I was a living Child —
With Food's necessity

Upon me — like a Claw —
I could no more remove
Than I could coax a Leech away —
Or make a Dragon — move —

Not like the Gnat — had I —
The privilege to fly
And seek a Dinner for myself —
How mightier He — than I —

Nor like Himself — the Art
Upon the Window Pane
To gad my little Being out —
And not begin — again —

They shut me up in Prose -
As when a little Girl
They put me in the Closet -
Because they liked me "still" -

Still! Could themself have peeped
And seen my Brain - go round -
They might as wise have lodged a Bird
For Treason - in the Pound -

Himself has but to will
And easy as a Star
Look down upon Captivity
And laugh - No more have I -

This was a Poet - It is That
Distills amazing sense
From ordinary Meanings -
And Attar so immense

From the familiar species
That perished by the Door -
We wonder it was not Ourselves
Arrested it - before -

Of Pictures, the Discloser -
The Poet - it is He -
Entitles Us - by Contrast -
To ceaseless Poverty -

Of Portion - so unconscious -
The Robbing - could not harm -
Himself - to Him - a Fortune -
Exterior - to Time -

In falling Timbers buried -
There breathed a Man
Outside - the spades - were plying -
The Lungs - within -

Could He - know - they sought Him -
Could They - know - He breathed -
Horrid Sand Partition -
Neither - could be heard -

Never slacked the Diggers -
But when Spades had done -
<< Recompense of |Oh, Reward of>> Anguish,
It was dying - Then -

Many Things - are fruitless -
'Tis a Baffling Earth -
But there is no Gratitude
Like the Grace - of Death -

I died for Beauty - but was scarce
Adjusted in the Tomb
When One who died for Truth, was lain
In an adjoining Room

He questioned softly "Why I failed"?
"For Beauty", I replied -
"And I - for Truth - Themself are One -
We Bretheren, are", He said -

And so, as Kinsmen, met a Night -
We talked between the Rooms -
Until the Moss had reached our lips -
And covered up - our names -

Dreams - are well - but Waking's better,
If One wake at Morn -
If One wake at Midnight - better -
Dreaming - of the Dawn -

Sweeter - the Surmising Robins -
Never gladdened Tree -
Than a Solid Dawn - confronting -
Leading to no Day -

The Outer - from the Inner
Derives it's Magnitude -
'Tis Duke, or Dwarf, according
As is the Central Mood -

The fine - unvarying Axis
That regulates the Wheel -
Though Spokes - spin - more conspicuous
And fling a dust - the while.

The Inner - paints the Outer -
The Brush without the Hand -
It's Picture publishes - precise -
As is the inner Brand

On fine - Arterial Canvas -
A Cheek - perchance a Brow -

The Star's whole Secret - in the Lake -
Eyes were not meant to know.
---------------
At last, to be identified -
At last, the lamps upon thy side
The rest of Life to see -

Past Midnight! Past the Morning Star -
Past Sunrise - Ah, What -
leagues there were
Between our feet, and Day!

The Malay — took the Pearl —
Not — I — the Earl —
I — feared the Sea — too much
Unsanctified — to touch —

Praying that I might be
Worthy — the Destiny —
The Swarthy fellow swam —
And bore my Jewel — Home —

Home to the Hut! What lot
Had I — the Jewel — got —
Borne on a Dusky Breast —
I had not deemed a Vest
Of Amber — fit —

The Negro never knew
I — wooed it — too —
To gain, or be undone —
Alike to Him — One —

Love — thou art high —
I cannot climb thee —
But, were it Two —
Who knows but we —
Taking turns — at the Chimborazo —
Ducal — at last — stand up by thee —

Love — thou are deep —
I cannot cross thee —
But, were there Two
Instead of One —
Rower, and Yacht — some sovereign Summer —
Who knows — but we'd reach the Sun?

Love — thou are Veiled —
A few — behold thee —
Smile — and alter — and prattle — and die —
Bliss — were an Oddity — without thee —
Nicknamed by God —
Eternity —

Our journey had advanced —
Our feet were almost come
To that odd Fork in Being's Road —
Eternity — by Term —

Our pace took sudden awe —
Our feet — reluctant — led —
Before — were Cities — but Between —
The Forest of the Dead —

Retreat — was out of Hope —
Behind — a Sealed Route —
Eternity's White Flag — Before —
And God — at every Gate —

I rose — because He sank —
I thought it would be opposite —
But when his power dropped —
My Soul grew straight.

I cheered my fainting Prince —
I sang firm — even — Chants —
I helped his Film — with Hymn —

And when the Dews drew off
That held his Forehead stiff —
I met him —
Balm to Balm —

I told him Best — must pass
Through this low Arch of Flesh —
No Casque so brave
It spurn the Grave —

I told him Worlds I knew
Where Emperors grew -
Who recollected us
If we were true -

And so with Thews of Hymn
And Sinew from within -
And ways I knew not that I knew - till then -
I lifted Him -

It was given to me by the Gods -
When I was a little Girl -
They give us Presents most - you know -
When we are new - and small.
I kept it in my Hand -
I never put it down -
I did not dare to eat - or sleep -
For fear it would be gone -
I heard such words as "Rich" -
When hurrying to school -
From lips at Corners of the Streets -
And wrestled with a smile.

Rich! 'Twas Myself - was rich -
To take the name of Gold -
And Gold to own - in solid Bars -
The Difference - made me bold -